Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Really the only great recipe I have is an Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. It isn't even my own. Someone gave it to me. I also haven't perfected it yet. My cookies seem to get harder as the days go on instead of remaining soft and gooey. I'm experimenting with it though.Because I want to have the best Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, since it is one of the few things I actually make from scratch.

So the Pioneer Woman I am not. Have you seen her website? She is an amazing woman. She runs a cattle ranch, home-schools four kids,cooks homemade (from scratch) recipes for every meal, dabbles in photography, renovates her home, and keeps track of her massive sponsored website. I can't even get my dachshund puppy 100% housebroken!!

I tend to tip towards the Peggy Bundy end of the mother spectrum. Well, I'm not that bad, at least cosmetically.

I have had the privilege of praying for two women I met last weekend at Calvary Refuge Center. One was more Peggy Bundy, one was more Pioneer Woman. April was a washed out woman that was a mother of two. She was exasperated with her children and she exasperated them as well. Her kids were the age of mine. I sat with them during dinner and kept my questions basic because I feared April would chuck her food tray at me if I pressed too hard. Chronic pain she had, no job, not enough of her pain meds, and two precious children who were behind in school and society. I wanted to take them home. I wanted to make them mine. But I can't and I am not suppose to. So I have prayed that God would protect them, provide for them, and send someone to love all three of them. They are His to fix and grow and He has blessed me with the imprint they made on my life--just from the whole hour I spent with them.

The other woman was Danette. A continuous recovering alcoholic. Already had a job she was starting the next day. Grown, successful children. She couldn't wait to get back on her feet. She was working hard cleaning the kitchen. She told me about her faith. Her struggle with alcohol, her demon. The fact that she was a lousy drunk. She took full responsibility for her life. She was at the homeless shelter because she got herself into the mess she was in and she wasn't going to dump it on her family. She was accountable. She was headstrong. She is going to be successful again. She said she wasn't embarrassed to be drunk, so she certainly wasn't going to be embarrassed being sober and talking about Jesus. What attracted me to her was that she came up and loved on April's children when they were eating. She had only known them a few days but she loved on them, and they on her. Danette was honest and amazing. God is using her. I am blessed by the imprint she made on my life--just from the whole 20 minutes I spent with her.

I have been struggling with self-discipline lately. In many aspects of my life. Maybe I'm internally rebelling against my OCD nature :) Maybe in my desire for sanctification, I have tried to sanctify myself. Maybe God is showing me more and more and more and more where I have sin. It is probably a combination. However, I have been reading Romans, again, and chapter 8 is all about life through the Spirit. Paul talks about the sinful mind and how if we are controlled by our sinful nature we cannot please God. If we have Christ, our body is dead because of sin but alive because of righteousness. If we live in accordance with the Spirit, we will have our minds set on what the Spirit desires. Our life with the Spirit comes from Christ's death. We shouldn't be slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness. I need to drop myself. I need to let God continue to discipline and refine me. I want to let the Spirit fill me. I want to be a slave to righteousness. I pray that my sinful nature will be less and less as He gives me the ability to live according to Him.

I am thankful that God has given me a spectrum of women to learn from. Whether it is a TV icon, a master of the home, a woman without a home, or a woman heading towards home, God has shown me that He wants to continue to progress us towards Him. That should be all I desire. That is all I desire. The work He has for me is becoming more like Him. It is making sure my husband and children have a desire to be more like Him. It is opening my home to allow others to be here and learn more about Him.

And......maybe the cookies and dachshund will fall into place as well.

May you be an "April" in life in terms of you needing God and may you be a "Danette" in life in terms of pursuing Him. Either way, may yourself be accountable and a slave to righteousness.

Monday, April 19, 2010


This was written on April 12th--just realized I didn't post it--

I am so glad spring is here. I didn't realize how much I needed spring until it finally arrived. Fall is usually my favorite season, but last fall seems so far away and winter was so long. Spring--has arrived. With it, all things become new.

My Mom died four months ago today. It seems so far away yet it also seems so fresh. The past few months have been really hard for me. I am a terrible communicator of my feelings. I do not like to cry or talk about things that bother me. Most of the time I try to sort them out on my own, which is not always healthy. This is all new to me so I am taking it as it comes. I know all the steps of the grieving process but it is different when you are the one going through it. It has been hard.

Easter was different for me this year. In years past I have spent a lot of time reflecting either on the crucifixion or the resurrection of Christ. This year the time in between affected me the most. I guess it is because I have lost someone close to me so I really reflected on what each loved one of Christ felt. I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been to lose your Christ, your Savior, your Messiah, your Completer. I thought about Mary who lost her son. I thought about Peter who denied his Rabbi. I thought about Mary Magdalene who lost her Savior. I thought about the disciples who lost all hope. I wonder what the darkness of those few days felt like for them. They didn't have the resurrection to look forward to because they weren't looking for it. I cannot even imagine how hard it was for them. They didn't even know that they were waiting for something. They didn't realize that after the fall, their spring was going to arrive.

I am so glad that I do not have to wait for a resurrection.
I am so blessed that I won't lose my Savior.
I have hope.

That resurrection morning was glorious. Each time Christ appeared was like spring arriving. He made all things new, He makes all things new. A mother had her Son. Peter had reconciliation. Mary had her Savior. The disciples had their hope. A few days of darkness would never exist again.

I know there are a lot of hard things in our lives. I know of precious people to me that are going through hard things right now. Hard times last a long time. I am so glad that we have hope in Christ that He will reconcile us to Him during our hard times.

No matter what your "hard" time is, may you remember that you have
The Son,
The Christ,
The Savior,
The Messiah,
The Rabbi,
The Completer.

May you find your spring in Him even when the fall seems long and hard.