Jackpot jack·pot noun
1.a. The accumulated stakes in a kind of poker that requires one to hold a pair of jacks or better in order to open the betting.
b. A cumulative pool in a competition, lottery, or various other games.
2. A top prize or reward.
We were standing in the checkout line in Target. Daniel and the kids were bagging up our goods. We were buying a backpack and pajamas for the boy we were hosting. He was going back to Ukraine the next day. Understandably he had moped all day long. He knew he had to leave tomorrow and we were all sad.
We were trying to make the best of it by lightening the mood. We were not very successful. Easy for us to lighten the mood, we were not going back to where he called home. Our home is quite different. He got to be a part of it for four weeks this summer. Language barrier does not cover over feelings. Then again, nobody had to say their feelings, they were written over all of our faces.
Then came the unexpected comment. The check out clerk, looking at the kids, said “What a beautiful family you have.” Of course I said “thank you.” Then she says, “You certainly hit the jackpot with those kids. You have the perfect family.” I paid for our purchase and said, “Yes, yes we do.”
So comes the moment when you hold in the tears. The story of “well actually, one of these is not ours, he is an orphan and tomorrow we are sending him back to an orphanage across the world.” But I did not say that. I just said, “Yes, yes we do.”
Adopting has been a huge topic of conversation in our family for a long time. Daniel and I truly started talking about adoption after the miscarriage of our third child. Then we plummeted into the limited work we could do from our end with LifeSong for Orphans. Always talking, always knowing that we would adopt.
Almost 3 years ago at Christmas we tried to host for the first time. All three children we tried to host had some kind of strange roadblock to hosting. We were not supposed to host. God made that clear. I knew the reason too. My Mom was going to die. My GPa (her Father) died in November and she died in December. God had been telling me for about 6 months that this was going to happen. I am so grateful for the way he prepared and protected.
Adoption talk and work continued. We did not seem to have a green light. About a year and a half ago I started having some major issues—anxiety. It was kind of the beginning to an end of sorts for 35 years with my Mom. It was also the beginning of an incredible period of brokenness in my heart that God had been fleshing out for a long time. Well at least the beginning of my realization of it. So for the past year I have been seeing an incredible Christian counselor to work through my junk. My junk that I feel pressed to write about now because I want to give the glory to God (hence the huge hiatus in my blog—you just thought I was lazy and forgetful—that I am as well.) I find it ironic however; that my last blog post was titled “Small” and that was about a week before it all started.
So I am writing today to let you know that we are going to get our “jackpot.”
We have officially started the adoption process!! In the next week or so a website will be launched with the amazing help of our friends who are gifted in this!!! It will be about adoption, advocating adoption, being the hands and feet of Christ, fundraising for our adoption (and hopefully in the future other’s as well), encouragement, resources, and whatever else God wants it to be. We are incredibly excited about it. We have so many tools to bring glory to God and that is our desire.
Our jackpot is not going to be a cash prize. It is going to be so much more than that. It may be cumulative (more than one child), it will definitely be a prize (even though it is hard), but unforgettably it is going to be a reward. Because in the end, it is not our jackpot, it is God’s. He has brought us here and we have faith He will take us there.
Do we have more brokenness to go through? “Yes, yes we do.”
Do we know that it is going to be really hard? “Yes, yes we do.”
Do we know that we have a lot more flesh to get rid of? “Yes, yes we do.”
Do we know it is not about us? “Yes, yes we do.”
The time has come. The “perfect” family is whatever God wants for us. It is scary and exciting at the same time. We are excited to share it with you.
Be on the lookout-----there is a lot more to come…….
***due to the sensitive nature of adoption and our relationships in Ukraine, we will not be discussing over media the specific children we are going for.***